Apparently this guy is a neurosurgeon on Grey’s Anatomy. “Run” (1991) Starring Patrick Dempsey.

I have never seen this “Grey’s Anatomy” show but I understand it is (or at least was) quite popular.  I also can’t remember Patrick Dempsey as anything other than an awkward and annoying (in my opinion) teen in such 80’s films as Can’t Buy Me Love (1987) and Loverboy (1989) (also staring Kirstie Allie).  The movie Run (1991) seems to be a mere continuation of those rigidly formulaic 1980’s teen coming of age type of movies except this film is nothing more than a “chase” movie pure and simple.  This one is so bad it shines in the “you have to watch it because it sucks” category.

 

I’ve seen porno movies with more complex plots that Run, but here we go anyway:  Dempsey plays Charlie Farrow, a Boston law student, part-time mechanic and of course never can lose poker player who is asked by his boss to drive a new Porsche 911 from Boston to Atlantic City.  The car, however, breaks down—those damn Germans–and while Farrow waits for the car to be repaired, a cab driver (who mistakes him for an Atlantic City card shark) takes him to an underground casino run by the mob to get something to eat.

Kelly Preston and The Fat Mob Kid

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While waiting for his return ride to the garage, Farrow decides to play a couple of hands of poker.  He ends up soundly beating Denny Halloran (Alan C. Peterson), who is really pissed off and embarrassed this kid took him to poker school.  Of course there is a resulting fight where Denny corners Farrow but trips over a potted palm, and accidentally hits his head on the sharp corner of a counter, and dies.  To add an exciting element (sarcasm) (I really need to invent a ‘sarcastic’ font) Denny happens to be the son of mob boss Matt Halloran (Ken Pogue), who not only owns the casino but most of the law enforcement in the area. 

The Chief Cop & the Mob Boss

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Farrow finds himself on the “Run” (very clever) from cops and the mob henchmen, all of whom want to collect a $50,000 dollar bounty the boss has placed on his head.  He finds Kelly Preston, yes, that is right, Kelly Preston wife of Travolta and even better, the 1990 former fiancé of Charlie Sheen’s but she had to end the relationship shortly after he accidentally shot her in the arm.  She plays Karen Landers, Farrow’s only friend who, and you are never going to believe this, gets shot in the arm (I’ll bet she wasn’t even acting having some “real world” experience with it only the year before).  Like every “B” film, the bodies start to pile up as the couple dodge flying bullets, bowling pins, explosions from a nice selection of military grade assault weapons and other shrapnel and twisted auto parts and oh yeah, the Porsche didn’t make it more than 15 minutes into the film.  The chase takes him through racetracks, amusement parks, bowling alleys and a shopping mall.  Dempsey certainly covered a lot of ground in this one. 

More Chase into the Carnival

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Farrow and the mob boss go head to head at a dog track and here is the best part, the mob boss gets impaled by the mechanical pace-rabbit that was speeding around the track and was now circling back toward him.  I could not believe it!  He got impaled by the rabbit the dogs chase at the track!  Wow!  I sure didn’t see that coming.  I was on the edge of the couch for that thriller.

Impaled on the Rabbit

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Well, they sure don’t make them like Run anymore and I believe they should to give guys like me something to bitch about.  Be that as it may, I am glad to see at least one Hollywood type who pulled himself together and changed the direction of his career.

 

All hail Dr. H for recommending this one.

 

Iron Eagle—It should have dropped like a stone.

My friends and colleagues have always told me I have an incredibly high threshold for bad movie pain.  Material they can’t bear to watch is nothing but a light triscuit to me; that is until the likes of Iron Eagle drops in.  I had to put myself into mental lockdown mode for this one and while I came through unscathed, it was tough to put Iron Eagle in the “even though it sucks you still have to watch it column.”  Very few movies reach that point—but I suppose it is a continuum because the farther you push you eventually come around.  But Iron Eagle almost falls in that dead zone before the continuum begins to curve back to the “still sucks but watch it anyway” category.  What I really really don’t understand is the fact that Louis Gosset Jr. (winner of an Academy Award for his role as Sargent Foley in An Officer and a Gentleman) continued to play “Chappy Sinclair” in three additional Iron Eagle films.  The third one based on the premise that four WWII planes could be retrofitted with laser-guided missiles.  Yes, I know, movies are supposed to be a time for suspended belief but for goodness’ sake that shit can kill you.

Iron Eagle 1985 the cessna

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Putting that to one side let’s get back to this abortion.

Doug Masters (Jason Gedrick), son of veteran U.S. Air Force pilot Col. Ted Masters (Tim Thomson), is a music lover and a civilian pilot, hoping to follow in his father’s footsteps. But because he is a loser he receives a notice of rejection from the Air Force Academy. But the drama continues with his father being shot down and captured by an unnamed Arab nation (Libya) while patrolling over the Mediterranean Sea.  A kangaroo court finds Col. Masters guilty of trespassing over their territory and sentences him to hang in three days.

Doug decides to take matters into his own hands and come up with his own rescue mission (at 16).  He requests the help of “Chappy,” a Vietnam veteran pilot currently on reserve command, who has known Col. Masters for only a couple of years.  At first Chappy has his doubts, but Doug convinces him that with his friends, he has full access to the airbase’s intelligence and resources and he can give him an F-16 fighter for the mission.  What could be better than that you ask?  He learns that Chappy had already begun planning the rescue operation himself after he learned the outcome of Col. Masters’ trial!  I had no idea that court cases from unnamed countries were published in the U.S.  Doug and his crew of young fellow service brats plan a mission and manage to procure two heavily-armed F-16 planes, with Doug flying the second unit.

Iron Eagle 1985 tantrum

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At this point we start to get some flashbacks (or sideways I am not sure).  Doug starts reminiscing about cutting school to fly training missions with his father in his F-16, but needing to have his Sony cassette Walkman playing before he can do any real piloting.  Performing Air Force Thunderbird pilot-like acrobatics while jamming, he is clearly the next Greg “Pappy” Boynton. 

Iron Eagle 1985 kids rule

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Doug and Chappy fly these planes to the Mediterranean Sea (including inflight refueling) and cross into the enemy nation’s airspace.  In the ensuing battle, three MiG-23 fighters are downed by our dynamic duo and destroy an airfield, but Chappy’s plane is damaged by an anti-aircraft gun.  Doug climbs to a high altitude and plays a tape Chappy made him the night before, but then his engine fails and Doug listens as Chappy’s fighter goes down crashing into the sea at Mach 1.

Iron Eagle 1985 planning

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Chappy’s recorded voice tells Doug how to finish the mission anticipating every obstacle that he could possibly face.  Making the enemy believe he is leading a squadron (they must have shitty radar), Doug threatens the enemy nation into releasing his father from prison and moving him to the base’s northernmost runway for pickup.  But before Doug lands his plane, Col. Masters is shot by an Arab sniper, causing Doug to destroy the airbase and engulf the runway with precisely placed napalm to keep the army at bay while he lands and picks up his wounded father.

Iron Eagle 1985 theft of F16

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Just as they take off, Doug and his father encounter another group of MiGs led by Col. Akir Nakesh (David Suchet) — himself an ace pilot. The lone F-16 and Nakesh’s MiG engage in a long dogfight until a missile from Doug finishes off Nakesh. Low on fuel and ammunition, the F-16 is being pursued by the other enemy MiGs when another squadron of U.S. Air Force F-16s appear, scaring off the MiGs before escorting Doug and his father to Ramstein Air Base in Germany.

While Col. Masters is being treated for his wounds, Doug and Chappy are reunited. Chappy, of course, had ejected from his plane and was picked up by a fishing trawler. The two are summoned by an Air Force judiciary panel for their “reckless actions,” not for something like treason.  Seeing that any form of punishment for the duo would expose an embarrassing lapse in Air Force security, the panel forgoes prosecution as long as Doug and Chappy never speak of their operation to anyone. In addition, Chappy convinces the panel to grant Doug admission to the Air Force Academy.  All is well after they return on a plane assigned by the President to the States.

How bad can it be you ask?  For god’s sake, Twisted Sister and Dio actually appear on the soundtrack and never mind that the mission is initially planned in a juke joint restaurant. Or that its posturing and puffed up escapades make Top Gun look like Catch-22. Or that the only women we see are either crying, making mistakes, or not talking at all. This is a world where young boys put small, faded pictures of their girlfriends in a lonely corner while their rooms are overwhelmed by full color glossies of jets, rockets, and studs-in-arms. If the aim of Iron Eagle was to make military combat seem like a video game set to rock music, I can only say: mission accomplished. All of this outrage, however, ignores the central fact that a teenage boy manages to fly into hostile territory and save his father from some member of the Axis of Evil, all without getting so much as a scratch. Right.

Again, only because of many years of dedicated training I was able to escape unscathed.  But, as they tell you on T.V., don’t try this at home.

 

Another Break from Musashi–Dirk Benedict as M. Harry Smilac in “Body Slam” (1986). Lurking if you are out there this one is for you.

Lurking if you are out there this one is for you–I had to dig deep into my bag of tricks to pull out this one.

M. Harry Smilac (Dirk Benedict), once a successful music promoter, is losing talent and having a hard time booking gigs for his sole client, the rock band “Kicks.” Behind on his Ferrari payments  and owing $67,000.00 to a Korean savings and loan that, despite losing in court, is insistent on recovering, he reluctantly accepts a job finding musical acts for a fundraiser of an unlikeable politician.  While waiting to meet the manager of the venue Smilac stumbles across negotiations involving Roddy Piper as “Quick Rick Roberts” and thinking that they are discussing a musical act instead of a pro-wrestling jumps in on behalf Piper and cuts him a great deal.  Word quickly spreads throughout the wrestling business that Smilac is the manager to have.  Smilac’s success takes business away from existing managers Captain Lou Albano (playing Captain Lou Murano) and midget Billy Bartley who naturally become upset and try to muscle Smilac out of the business.

Smilac Stumbles into Wrestling Mtg

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A day after the disastrous fundraiser featuring Smilac’s rock band, Murano and his tag team champions “The Cannibals” (Sione Vailahi and Tom Cassett) injure Smilac and his wrestlers in a nationally televised bout, before blacklisting them from every major venue in the country.  Smilac adapts though and takes his wrestlers and his band on a cross country road tour of small arenas.  Initially he promotes separate wrestling and rock shows, but a scheduling mix-up at a venue causes him to promote a single event featuring both his musicians and wresters.  The show is a hit and Smilac schedules an entire tour using the same “Rock n’ Wrestling” format.  Their tour is a huge success and inspires Harry, Roberts and Tonga to win a hard fought rematch against Murano’s Cannibals.

Body Slam Korea S&L Collect 1

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Naturally Smilac finds a love interest in Candace Vandervagen (Tanya Roberts), the daughter of the politician’s wealthy campaign booster.  Who (of course) is initially resistant to any relationship until the Korean’s try to collect their “small consumer loan” as Smilac characterizes it and destroy her mother’s Rolls Royce in the process.  Everyone in the film does fine job except for the lifeless Roberts.  Though she is the love interest, there’s no spark or energy coming from her at all—just boredom.  Actors shouldn’t take it out on the audience when they don’t really want to be in a movie they’re already in ironically they need to take it out on their managers.

Smilac on TV

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In an interview with Canadian Online Explorer, Dirk Benedict recounts positive experiences working on the film. However, both he and director Hal Needham (Director of Smokey and the Bandit & Cannonball Run) clashed with the two lawyers credited with writing and producing the film over changes to the script and Needham’s creative choices.  At one point, Benedict had a physical altercation with one of the writer/producers.  These conflicts lead to lawsuits being filed, which caused the film to miss the entire summer movie season.  Later, the film was slated to be released by Hemdale Film Corporation in November 1986.  However, the film never saw wide theatrical release and was instead released directly to VHS.  Too bad I wonder how it would have done at the box office.

Second Collection Attempt

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